https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKDUbiibsNQ&t=25s
无作者
no sleepovers, no play dates no TV no computer games no grades less than an A, in fact you must come first for every subject, except gyman and drama and you must play the piano or the violin, this is a list of things Amy cha demanded from her two daughters, Amy tra is a tiger mother, tiger parenting has come under intense scrutiny in the west,
come under:
to be a person that others are attacking or criticizing 成为（攻击或批评的）目标
The head teacher came under a lot of criticism from the parents.
often being called barbaric, and cruel, today we’re going to explore, why tiger parenting is a thing, and how this parenting style, is actually carried out, as tiger parenting is often associated, with Chinese parenting due to similarities, in the core values we’ll be examining both types side by side, now let’s dive into the minds of tiger parents, what drives a mother to create a list like this, and is this considered good parenting, especially in countries like China where this style is often associated, with finally I also want to know, how do the kids feel about this, grab a drink and get comfy because, we are going to go deep into, the world of Chinese, and tiger parenting.
tiger parenting and Chinese parenting, are not the same thing but they, share many similarities, for example both tiger parents and Chinese parents will often demand, Perfection when it comes to academics, and they’ll also push their kids hard so straight away I have two questions, why is getting good grades such a big deal, and why is it necessary to push your kids so hard, to answer that first question, on why there’s a fixation on, good grades we need to bring, in some Chinese, philosophy, more specifically conf fusionism, confusion ISM emphasizes that parents have a great responsibility, in shaping their children to be virtuous, if you took a more laid-back, and hands-off approach you are, doing your job right as a parent, you’re meant to take every opportunity, to educate and instill the correct values in them this opportunity, education, as terms by Flor, is probably why every time I, show my parents a meme or a joke, instead of laughing they begin, to turn it into a 1-hour, lecture and I start regretting my life decisions.
many of the actions Chinese parents, take are based off fulfilling, their Duty which is to Foster, virtue in their kids, and you know what Fosters virtue, education, in fact that was the whole point of studying in confucius’s, eyes studying was all about the process the constant grind in improving oneself, both in knowledge and in character, education in China is therefore a moral Pursuit, at the same time studying had very tangible, effects doing well in an exam could change your life the Imperial examination, back in 680, China was a way for peasants to attain prestigious, government positions, a big jump in status living standards and future life trajectory, the Imperial exam was a mechanism for significant social mobility, and it lives on today in modern, China through the infamous G, Cal China’s hugely stressful, University, admission exam, this is why Chinese parents see, more than just marks on a test, when they handed an exam school, they see the result of a moral, Endeavor, they see social recognition.
and they see a future with greater opportunities for upwards mobility, and all this leads to Chinese parents having very high expectations, when it comes to great because, nothing else holds the same weight, or promise in Chinese culture, as your marks,
(especially BrE) a number or letter that is given to show the standard of sb’s work or performance or is given to sb for answering sth correctly 成绩；分数；等级
to get a good/poor mark in English
英语得分高／低
to give sb a high/low mark
给某人高分／低分
What’s the pass mark (= the mark you need in order to pass)?
合格分数是多少？
I got full marks (= the highest mark possible) in the spelling test.
我在拼写测验中得了个满分。
(ironic)
‘You’re wearing a tie!’ ’ Full marks for observation.’
“你打领带啦！” “你真眼尖，我给你打满分。
as a result Chinese parents adopt some pretty distinct parenting strategies, to encourage, kids to study, after all no child is born wanting, to flip open their math textbook, Keen to begin grinding endless, questions, so how would one enforce, this this is where we introduce the first characteristic, of the Chinese parenting style which also applies to Tiger parenting, and that is high levels of control, pomerans and colleagues in their study on Parental involvement define, control as parenting characterized by pressure intrusiveness, and dominance, and Chinese parents have been shown to be more controlling in multiple papers, like how Mainland Chinese parents, make more decisions for their, children on who their friends, should be and what they should, wear.
outside of China young immigrant respondents from the US, also indicated their parents were more psychologically, controlling, than European, American parents, although Chinese parents May, score highly on measures of control, calling them controlling, often imbues a western perspective, on this practice which which, is not the best because we Overlook, some crucial cultural motives, that drive such controlling, behaviors, first high levels of control are often associated, with cultural hierarchy models in Chinese culture relationships, are structured hierarchically, your parents are more senior than you and as a subordinate, you obey and respect them confucious, other than emphasizing hierarchies, within the family also said that, parents being an authority figure, had a duty to train and govern, their child, this is really important because this expectation, emphasizes is two cultural Concepts known as chin, and Guan and they are core to understanding why Chinese parenting, and to a degree tiger parenting.
might be seen as controlling and overbearing in the west but is completely, acceptable, in China, so what is the idea of training, and governing about training, sounds rather militaristic, in English like I’m about to, tell you to drop and give me, 50 push-ups but it’s not like, that at all in Chinese, when you train your child it’s, really just about teaching them, how they should behave in a socially, acceptable, way this is very, important, because in Chinese culture how, well behaved or poorly behaved, your child is reflects, directly, on one’s parenting skills, for example if I was in Willies or Walmart for the Americans, and my friends and I saw a kid fall to his knees and an a screaming and crying, shortly followed by the parent looking absolutely mortified, we would probably feel bad for, the parent because we can leave, the aisle but that parent has, to take the Banshee, home, now if I was with my family I guarantee, my mom and grandparents would not feel bad for this parent instead.
they will probably condemn the parent as not having trained the kid properly, because of the kid’s appalling, Behavior, the parent in Chinese culture is held responsible, for how the child behaves if a child is well-mannered polite, and respectful, then the parent gets all the credit and the opposite holds true too, but training isn’t just about making sure your child is polite, another crucial measure of a well-trained child, is how well they do in school, we already talked about how important, academic success is so hopefully, this does not come as a surprise, a child that excels at school exemplifies, the cultural ideal and this is the biggest Flex for a Chinese parent,
informal : an act of bragging or showing off
Monster (1994) was R.E.M.’s weird flex: an over-the-top rock album saturated with distortion, propelled by power chords and guitar feedback, and voiced by singer Michael Stipe’s newly found enthusiasm.
—David Gill
right so that’s the core parts of training orun, before we take a look at some, pretty eye opening examples, of it being put into practice, let me also walk you through the idea of Guan to govern, which goes hand inand with training, governing a child has a positive connotation, behind it and Guan at times can also be translated.
as to care for or to love though, I doubt any kid hearing their, parents say get off the computer, computer and start doing homework, we see that as love in the moment, training and governing both reflect high levels of Parental involvement, but training emphasizes a more educational, aspect whereas governing encompasses a broader oversight, now let’s put this Theory into practice so you can see how these values manifest, in Chinese parenting, think of training and governing a child like nurturing a new seedling, and making sure it grows well, except in your mind there’s only, one right way for the plant to, grow and there’s a lot for you, to do the first step is to make, sure it’s in a good environment, you got to make sure the plant has enough sunlight, it’s got enough Brom and there, aren’t pests around when it comes, to Chinese parents creating a, good environment for their child, it’s really the same, to ensure an optimal study environment, for the kids Chinese parents, will often Shuffle around their, own schedules.
and even reorganize, the house so the child has a quiet place to focus free of distractions, this means parents might watch the TV with low volume, or move loud activities to other, parts of the house a child will, often have their own study room, and if there isn’t enough space, space in the house to create, a good study environment, Chinese parents might build a, whole new room by themselves, so you have no excuse now but, to study and by Chinese parents, I really mean my dad who literally, built my study from scratch, I didn’t even know he had that, in him it’s like the story of, a mom getting superhero, Powers when a kids are trapped, under a car but Chinese parents, get hit with superhero, Powers when their kids grades are threatened to fall from a 98 to a 95, a kid is also not going to be, able to grow well physically, or mentally if they’re lacking, in nutrients, Chinese parents will often cook, Del ious food the child likes, as a reward for their hard work, studying, you’ll also commonly find Chinese, parents preparing highly nutritious.
foods during exam periods as, an extra brain boost, Chinese children are also often, exempt from household chores, like washing dishes cleaning, bathrooms, or vacuuming floors, because Chinese parents recognize, their time is valuable and is better used on things like studying, in case you ever noticed the sun is in the center of the universe, the Chinese kids studying our home is and everything is done with them in mind, continuing on with plant analogy, just like how you have to prune, a plant sometimes and cut off, Sid shoots to redirect nutrients, to the main branches, Chinese parents often find it Justified, to ban certain activities like gaming or watching TV so they can redirect, the kids’ most valuable resource, time to studying, often this comes in the form of a strict routine that Chinese parents set, like come home from school, practice your instrument for, an hour and then do homework, for 2 hours and then maybe after, dinner you can get 10 minutes, of TV, and then you’re back to studying, such parental control can also.
extend toward a child’s social, life Chinese parents can and, will grab their shares to cut, off your friends for you if they’re, not thought to be a good influence, in a 2003, paper written by Chi and Ral on Chinese parenting beliefs in rural China, many parents talked about how, they didn’t want their children, to hang out with other unruly, children in the village, they believe that these more problematic, children could affect their own kids and in particular, their studies, this level of parental control is socially, accepted, and such behavior is actually reflected in a famous, Chinese proverb that may have influenced Chinese people’s beliefs, the proverb is M, or men’s mother moves three times, menus, was a young Chinese kid back, in ancient China and The Story, Goes that he and his mom at first, lived near a graveyard, mencius’s, mom catches him making a game out of burying dead people, and she immediately realized he was copying what the adults were doing.
except menus was too young to understand feelings of grief or loss associated, with burials, she didn’t like how menes was getting easily influenced, and believed that Mena’s, having fun from imitating a burial procedure might lead to him losing compassion, and empathy later when he grew up so she packed their bags and whisked him away, next they stayed near a Marketplace, here means began imitating merchants, and the way they sold things, this doesn’t sound like an issue, until you realize that Merchants, were at the bottom of the social, hierarchy, under confusious, thought because of how they prioritized, profit and didn’t contribute to societal welfare, naturally mun’s mother did not want want her son to model himself after Merchant, so once again she whisked him away, finally they settled near a school, in this environment means began to imitate scholars in their behavior, and this was finally menus mom approved, as it was ideal for his education, menus, by the way is not just a random person from ancient China.
he is actually one of the most notable philosophers, in Chinese history seconded only to confucious, himself, so one has to ask without men’s, mother moving him three times before they reach the school would menus, have have become the same renowned thinker if he stayed at the graveyard, or near the merchants, this is the question that lives rentree, in the minds of Chinese parents, it’s why they’ll feel like they, need to intervene, when it comes to friends, or the way the child spends time in Chinese culture the tale of men’s, mother is not one about control it’s about parental dedication, and sacrifice, of prioritizing your child’s future and development, over doing what’s easy for you, speaking of easy when I was referencing the story of men’s, mother moving I used a Chinese source and I had to blur out all the subtitles, because they got in the way but, imagine watching a video like, this and instead of finding foreign, subtitles, distracting, actually being able to read it, like look at this video.
I can see dual language subtitles click on the subtitles, and the video actually pauses, and allows me to check the definition of the words, how do I do this I used a Chrome extension called makaku, if you’re an anime or K drama or SE drama fan, I’m going to make a guess that you like the Cod, too and you’ve had thoughts of learning the language, well this is your sign to do it and it’s never been easier the makaku, web extension, keeps track of all the words you know and oh my gosh with the extension, the whole world is your oyster like you can make flashcards, off the actual, video I don’t want to say boring anky decks ever again because with makaku, if I don’t know this particular, word I can click on it and it, will generate a flash card with, the words definition, and a sample sentence using the exact dialogue from the video, it will also contain a cool image, screenshot from the video for, all of us visual Learners out, there and an AI, powered explanation of the word to put it in further context.
once this flash card is created it can then be studied within makaku, space repetition, flash card system code makaku memory you can even watch YouTube do the makaku, app and create flashcards, while being on your phone which is super handy, you guys thought the green out was menacing, what true I become if I hear anyone, complain, learning a language is too hard again after I’ve just shown you makaku to exist, so download makaku today it starts from just $9, a month or if you’re like me, and you want to be one and done, I got you you can get 50%, off their lifetime access with my link and this works for all languages, thank you makaku for sponsoring this video and now back to my plant analogies, because, yeah I want you I came up with way too many of them, and now the last plant analogy, I swear if you want your plant to grow vertically, often you’d get a support in, place so they grow nice and Tall, leaning on that support, Chinese parents are the support that backs such ambitious, and intense study routines.
their child has to carry out parents will often spend an exhaustive, amount of time staying by the kids side acting as moral support, and to also answer any questions, on homework kids might have to, the best of their ability, because succeeding, academics, is so important Chinese parents, are not going to leave things, up to chance and just pray they, have a kid who’s naturally smart, and can pick up Concepts like, that, regardless of talent it’s hard, work that matters most in Chinese, culture and parents are there, to enforce that traditional Chinese, culture did not explicitly, outline that parents had to help their children with schoolwork, because back then only few people were literate, but as education became more widespread, more parents were able to directly, assist with tutoring their kids at home, that being said as children progress through the curriculum, and as their school work gets harder, many parents find themselves unable, to keep up with the content and, help their kids in that way so, they begin to shift from providing.
direct assistance, to more indirect methods, many of which we’ve covered through my excessive plan t analogies, now at this point all of these, parenting strategies we’ve covered, share one thing in common and, that is it’s all very one-sided, the parents are the ones dictating, routines on how long to study, and when to do things the child, doesn’t get a seat at the proverbial, decision-making, table which brings me to a parenting strategy, that’s quite different from what we’ve seen so far it’s called jangali, which means to reason, and unlike making your child, study for 5 hours straight or, choosing who they hang out with, this is a strategy that influences, change from the in Inside Out, rather than the outside in when Chinese parents employ reasoning, it is an open and honest two-way conversation, Chinese parents aim to explain, to their child why it’s important, to work hard they might even, mention how good grades would, lead to a better life for both, the child and the family, essentially, reinforcing.
ties of academic achievement to moral obligations, and faal, piety, during these kinds of sitdown sessions parents often conduct the conversation, with a positive turn, expressing their belief and confidence that their daughter or son can excel, at the same time parents also often communicate, the importance of effort over ability, maybe the child isn’t achieving, the best marks at the moment, but the parent is saying that, they believe the child has it, in them to do better if they, just put in more work, and the plant won’t be reaching for the sky alone the support is always there, right beside them in a 2013, paper written by Kim and Fong on Chinese parenting techniques reasoning, was a strategy that was looked back upon very fondly, by Chinese adults when they thought about the ways their parents got involved, chinour, remarks that his mother talking, reason to him helped him understand, why and that he would study harder, as a result because if you study, harder your parents would be, happier, reasoning leverages.
core Chinese Cultural Concepts, to motivate children to study, harder and parents in turn are, motivated, to behave and adopt such parenting practices, because of confusion ideologies, like training and governing and because of China’s societal structure, yet as Charles says in her hugely influential 1994, paper neither of these cultural Concepts were previously identified, in Western literature when assessing parenting Styles, this is really important because from a western perspective, the Chinese parenting style is often viewed as authoritarian, lending from boran’s 1971, paper conceptualizing, the term, authoritarian, parenting is described as an absolute parenting Style with no explanations, listening or emotional support, but as you can see though typical Chinese parenting has a high level of control, Chinese parents do offer emotional, support, child, is against defining Chinese parenting as authoritarian, because the Chinese parent’s, intention is not to dominate, the child but to uphold societal.
Norms both in raising a proper child and being proper parents, themselves hopefully all of this cultural context has allowed you to better, understand what goes on inside, the mind of a typical Chinese, parent and why Chinese parenting, is the way it has become, now we’re set up to examine tiger parenting which has many overlaps, with the Chinese parenting style, but you’ll soon see for yourself, that it’s not the same let’s, talk about the most Infamous, tiger mother in the west Amy, TR and a widely controversial, entertaining, and slightly terrifying 2011, Memoir titled Battle himym of the tiger mother, if you’ve never heard about this, book before you will see everything, we just discussed, intensified, hundredfold, and I hope you’re, ready, here’s how we’re going to do, this we’re going to talk through, ch’s parenting tactics, and then we’re going to bring, it back to what the majority, of Chinese parents do because, I would hate for you to think, what we’re about to witness, is how every chines Chinese parent, acts TR starts her Memoir with.
a list of things her two daughters, sopia and Louisa, or Lulu for short were never, allowed to do which we saw at, the beginning of this video TR, quotes two papers one of which, is child that we actually referenced, earlier, TR says in one study of 50 Western, American Mothers and 48 Chinese, immigrant mothers almost 70%, of the western mothers said either that stressing, academic success is not good for children, or that parents need to Foster the idea that learning is fun, by contrast roughly 0%, of Chinese mothers felt the same way instead, the vast majority of Chinese, mothers said that they believe, the child can be the best student, that academic achievement reflects successful, parenting and that if children did not excel at school then there was a problem, and parents were not doing their, job without any context Chinese, parents sound pretty ruthless, here as if they don’t care about, their children at all and they, only want to see high scores, but this paragraph reflects, exactly the undeniable, influence of confusion.
thought of how he shaped a whole society to Value academic, excellence and how his ideas of what a parent Duty was became the blueprint, for how Chinese parents would train and govern their children for Millennia, to come, that being said though America, is obviously, very different to China it has a totally different set of values, history and culture, so how is tro going to implement, Chinese parenting methods in, such a different environment, and is it going to be as effective, well one of the earliest anecdotes, Char shares is the story of how, she introduced her daughters, to their instruments, Lulu Char Young younger daughter, is 3 years old and is about to, touch the piano for the first, time TR shows her how to press, down on a key and then it’s Lulu’s, turn to do the same, however instead of copying what TR does Lulu screams, and bashes all the keys and TR can’t get her to calm down or cooperate, after 15 minutes of this TR has, had enough and she drags Lulu, to the back door and flings it, open.
it’s the middle of winter so they immediately, get blasted with frigid, cold air and TR says you can’t stay in the house if you don’t listen to Mommy, now are you ready to be good girl or do you want to go outside, TR explains that she was determined to raise an obedient child and Lulu, was about to learn how to obey, however to her surprise Lulu steps outside in an act of defiance, in the end TR realizes her daughter, would sooner freeze to death, than be a good girl and Obey, so she does cave she quickly, begs for her daughter to come, back and plops her into a warm, bath to get a temperature up, again TR wasn’t able to quite, instill obedience into Lulu, as she had hoped but this doesn’t stop her from trying, Tri, this determination to Foster obedience in her children with Chinese values, stating that in Chinese culture, obedience is considered among the highest of Virtues, and she is right in that obedience, and respect for senior authority, figures is a core part of Chinese, culture.
but most Chinese parents as observed in in and colleagues 2017, study are generally less critical of younger children and their performance, than compared to when they grow, up this is largely because a, young children are not assumed, to be at an age of understanding, yet yet and B because there’s, just more at stake when kids, grow up to be adolescents, but we don’t see Char extending her three-year-old, daughter nearly the same Grace, my point here is and we’ll see this time and time again whilst CH rational, does stem from Chinese beliefs, the length she goes through is really not representative, of your average Chinese parent, cha, also holds very high expectations, for her daughters and their Pursuits, in music here are some comments, she’s made to her daughters as, she supervises, their playing, oh my God she just getting worse and worse worse if the next time’s not perfect, I’m going to take all your stuffed animals, and burn them she’s also on other, occasions told one of her daughters, to stop being lazy, cowardly, self-indulgent.
and pathetic, CH also constantly uses threats, like canceling Lulu’s B Mitzvah, if she doesn’t play the violin, then or saying things like you’ll, get no lunch, no dinner no Christmas or Hanukkah, and no birthday presents for, the next two three even 4 years, if you don’t nail this piano, piece, yeah and she was committed, to carrying out those threats, Charles States the Chinese can, get away with saying and doing, things like this because of three, reasons, one Western parents care a lot about the kids self-esteem, in Char’s words she says, first I’ve noticed that Western parents are extremely, anxious about their children’s self-esteem, they worry about how their children, would feel if they fail at something, and they constantly try to reassure, their children about how good, they are not withstanding a mediocre, performance in a test or at a recital, in other words Western parents are concerned about their children’s psyches, Chinese parents aren’t they assume strength not fragility, and as a result they behave very differently.
I feel like I need to start calling in some removalist, because there is so much to unpack, here with her first point she, does raise an interesting cultural, difference between the west and, China, with what parents perceive their biggest role is according to n’s 2007, paper East Asian parents place an emphasis on self-improvement, whereas North American parents emphasize self-enhancement, what this means is North American, moms are more likely to point, out the positives in their child, as they believe fostering self-esteem, is a core child wearing goal, and is key to their child’s future, success and well-being, in contrast East Asian moms are more likely to see self-esteem as unimportant, and even undesirable, as high self-esteem might interfere a child from being receptive to feedback, instead of focusing on self-esteem, East Asian moms believe their, role is to help their child better, their performance, or you could say that East Asian, moms make it a personal mission, to Humble you as soon as he yet, a shred of self-confidence.
whereas North American moms are really out here saying, no any girl would be lucky to, date you even if you’ve been, chronically single for 25, years I’m sorry no one is safe, East Asian parents will also, consciously choose to highlight, failure, because it’s through failure that one learns and improves, whereas North American parents will highlight success, because that is what builds a child’s self-esteem, so Chad’s observation is actually backed by academic studies, but framing this difference as a matter of strength and fragility, does neither culture are Justice, next CH says the second reason, why Chinese parents can get away, with saying and doing certain, things is because Chinese parents, believe their kids owe them everything, and she chalks this belief up to confusious, thinking and the fact that Chinese parents usually sacrifice, a lot for their children, this way of thinking is very, common and it largely stems from, the notion of final piety, or shell in confusion, thought it’s the idea that children.
are indeed to their parents for, giving them life and they’re, obligated, in return to respect, care for and obey their parents, what’s interesting here is Char’s immediate comparison, of this way of thinking to how her husband thinks, her husband Jed rubenfield is of Jewish background, and he very much has the opposite view rubenfeld, says, children don’t choose their parents, they don’t even choose to be born, it’s parents who for life on their kids so it’s the parents’ responsibility, to provide for them kids don’t owe their parents anything, their Duty will be to their own kids and tonically, comments, that sounds like a terrible deal for the Western parent, this difference in thinking giv, us some more insight into why, Chinese parents perhaps feel, more justified, in exerting higher levels of control and commanding, obedience, compared to Western parents, who generally offer more freedom and encourage the questioning of authority, it’s just two completely.
different cultural beliefs that shape what actions and behaviors are accepted, ch’s, final observation, of why Chinese parents seem to, get away with things more is, that Chinese parents believe, they know what’s best for their, children and therefore override, all of their children’s own desires and preferences, she then again draws a comparison, between how her parents treated, her and how her husband’s parents, treated him Jed’s parents gave, him a choice about whether he, wanted to take violin lessons, which he declined and now regrets and thought of him as a human being with vies, my parents didn’t give me any choices, and never asked for my opinion on anything, I mean it’s honestly quite sad saying that last sentence, when you read this book you kind of think to yourself, wow how can she be so tough on her kids, and then every time TR mentions her parents all the dots connect, TR mentions how Chinese parents often override, their child’s preference, and I’m sure you could see elements of this in the first part of the video.
this sentiment is often Justified, on the basis of filial piety and reinforced, by the existence of strong hierarchies, in Chinese culture which emphasize that obedience to Authority, Chinese culture being collectivist, as well also means the interest, of the group in this case the, family will take precedence, over wishes of the individual, or the child all of this explains such Behavior, but still Char’s parents completely disregard, her feelings thoughts and opinions on everything is a rather extreme, manifestation, of such values, it’s also hard to miss her not so subtle snark, at how her husband’s parents granted him with too much autonomy, as a child leading rubenfeld, to regret his choice of quitting the violin, honestly I think this just illustrates, how hard parenting is good parents irrespective, of culture, should have their child’s best interests at heart and they’ll act accordingly, but there’s always going to be, regrets or times where they feel, like they should have pushed, harder or been more LAX.
and this is not unique to any particular parenting style or culture, TR elaborates, many Chinese secretly, believe that they care more about their children and are willing to sacrifice, much more for them than westerners, who seem perfectly content to let their children turn out badly, I think it’s a misunderstanding, on both sides all decent parents want to do what’s best for their children, the Chinese, just have a totally different idea of how to do that, and I think this might be Char’s most sane take on parenting in this entire, book everyone’s, experience with their parents, is unique and that shapes how, they might parent their own child, if that’s something they want, how can we make these comparisons, and objectively, assess what’s better or worse when everyone turns out differently, and experiences, parenting in their own way as a personal example, I have an older brother and we were raised, very differently, he got the full western style, parenting method my parents were, super chill with him and there.
was no pressure on him to do, anything he didn’t want to then, when I was born my grandparents, had their own plan and I was, raised under a more traditional, Chinese style my grandparents, drilled me for mats and they, would stay by my side supervising, me as I did my homework, I vividly remember coming back, to school with my brother and, he would turn on the TV first, thing and begin watching his, TV shows whilst I went to the, room next door put my bag down, and started practicing the piano, after which I would begin drilling, math problems from Chinese textbooks, that were 2 3 years ahead, anyways now that we’re older we live pretty different lives and here’s the thing, we’re both happy with where we, are now which is the most important, important bit and interestingly, neither of us would want to trade lives with each other, so there we go TR summarizes, the differences in the two parenting Styles, as such let me know if you agree with her take, Western Parents try to respect their children’s individuality.
encouraging them to pursue their true passions, supporting their choices and providing positive reinforcement, and a nurturing environment, by contrast, the Chinese believe that the best way to protect their children, is by preparing them for the future, letting them see what their capable of and arming them with skills, work habits and inner confidence, that no one can ever take away, in this last part of the video I want to take a look at the children, because all of this is for them right, so how do they feel about it the answer might surprise, you there’s a famous Chinese proverb that, goes, and meaning wise this translates to to be the best you must suffer the worst, this is a COR belief of Chinese parenting, childhood is not assumed to be fun, because if you have fun now you will pay for it when you’re older, Chinese people are able to confidently, make this assumption, because ideals of success are so clearly defined in the culture, and because everyone will continue conforming, to it therefore Chinese kids.
go through a lot at a young age, but the question remains, was it all worth it, and now that they’re all grown, and maybe at an age where they, might have kids themselves, how would they raise their own children, respondents in Kim and Fong’s, study reflected on how their, parents raised them and it was, a complex mishmash, of emotions, for example Le days she felt, like she was always under a lot, of pressure and she was especially, scared of her father who was, strict and would criticize, her if she got too lazy in her studies, yet she immediately follows this with it was okay acceptable, I felt that the pressure he gave me was justified and reasonable, it wasn’t over the top or anything, despite having some negative, memories Lee felt like her father’s, Behavior was justified, and reasonable, clearly it wasn’t pleasant back, then but she understands now, where her father was coming from, and that, understanding is an interpretation, of an action imbued with cultural context, Tren, another respondent says this.
at the time of course it’s very annoying because I would want to play outside, instead of study, but now that I am grown up I say to my parents, if my mother had not been so responsible, I wouldn’t have been able to go to college, another respondent, Jing, criticized, her parents who were less involved, because they were both busy with work in Jing’s, eyes her parents had not fulfilled their parental roles and expectations, she indicated, that when she has her own children, she would definitely get more, involved with their education, the respondents all agreed that their parents involvement was necessary, even if they might not have appreciated, it then and of course, much of this reflection is rooted in China’s cutro, culture and the core values that have been passed down, however when we take the same parenting style outside of China and essentially, remove it from both the culture, and Society it was shaped by, we find quite a different response, if we take a look at asian-americans, for example they grow up in a completely.
different environment and culture, to what their parents know them, being raised in a more individualistic, Society like the US may lead to them experiencing, a disconnect with the more traditional, collectivist values that are deeply rooted in their parents, Chinese parents in China do what, they can to give their child, the best chance to survive, a brutal system based on academics, but there are far more diverse Pathways to success in America, so Chinese parents stressing only academic, Excellence can be seen as unnecessarily, restrictive, Warren a Psychiatry professor at Columbia University, elaborates on this difference as he tells NBC News, those who were born in the US tend to reflect an a culturation, to American society, which more generally has become hesitant about strict parenting, often this generation, encourages, their children to find their own passions, rather than assume a more Duty bound lifestyle that previous generations, grew up with, these old school confusion family Dynamics are increasingly.
being tempered with a sense of autonomy, Lee a father of a 20-year-old and a 17-year-old, says in the same NBC article, that his kids have a strong idea, of what they want to do in life, with them both looking to enter, the gaming industry, and he says it’s not up to him to change that they’re both sort of Arts related, and God knows if they’re going, to be able to make money there, but I’d rather they have a direction, that they feel agency, in than me trying to impose something upon them Angela IM tells NBC, that she tries to encourage her six-year-old to study rather than demanding, it I think most of us would agree, that these approaches are healthy, and supportive, but again these are actions undertaken in America, we can’t expect Chinese parents, to do the same in China because, they’re playing by totally different, rules over there for example, Chinese kids don’t have the luxury of Simply being encouraged, to study and I think that fact speaks more about the system in China, rather than its people, finally coming back to Cha.
despite how much she put a children, and herself through her two children, did turn out to be the Undisputed, High Achievers that she wished for Sophia is a military, lawyer who graduated from Yo law school, and Lulu is also a lawyer working at the US court of appeals after graduating, from Harvard, in reflecting on the experiences, Lulu tells the daily maale there were happy moments and difficult moments, and it was maybe a less Carefree childhood than a lot of other people’s, I lost that childhood innocence, that sense of joy and wonder and I definitely felt a lot of stress, I think it’s important to be honest about the highs and lows of tiger parenting, no one would believe me if I, said everything was perfect all, the time and I was constantly, happy, I do think the good outweighs, the bad and I’m proud of my parents, and myself now but I definitely, think things could have been, different, and Sophia says this about her childhood to the telegraph, everyone talks about my mother threatening to throw my toys in the fire.
but the funny thing is that was not a major memory, I remember my childhood as happy, I’m not scared of my mom and, never have been it was my dad, who I was much more afraid of, disappointing, it was always unequivocally, clear in my mind that my parents, were on my side no matter what, they did have high expectations, of me but it was because they had the confidence, that I could do amazing things, the parenting methods one adopts, is often deeply personal and, shaped inextricably, by social cultural factors today we first looked at Chinese parenting, Chinese parents carry a unique set of cultural expectations, which influences the actions they take to ensure that children succeed, within the societal context, this set us up to then take on tiger parenting which shares similarities, but often takes these core values to an unhealthy extreme, and shouldn’t be conflated with Chinese parenting, finally we looked at how adults, reflected on their childhood, and we could see some pretty, interesting differences between.
how Mainland Chinese adults and, asian-americans, would raise the Next Generation, if you want to see the full intensity of tiger parenting, I’d actually really recommend ch’s Memoir, her whole story is crazy, and it will leave you with a lot to think about, lastly if you wanted to share any of your experiences, with your parents growing up how their parenting style may have impacted, you whether you would do the, same or parent differently in, the future I would also be really, interested, in hearing your story if you made it this far you’re contractually, obligated to subscribe, and if you don’t subscribe, I will yeat, Snorlax, thank you for watching all the, way until the end and a big thank, you as always to my wonderful, patrons for their support see, you in the next video, bye, [Music].
--- 由 vCaptions 生成 ---