I am still not happy with this report,Humphrey.
Then, Minister, we shall be happy to redraft it for you.
You’ve redrafted it three times already.
That’s not absolutely correct, Minister.
Yes, it is, Bernard, I can count
This is the third draft report.
Yes, quite so, Minister.
Therefore it’s been drafted once and subsequently redrafted twice.
Don’t quibble, Bernard.

But we shall be happy to redraft a third time.
And a fourth and a fifth and a sixth, no doubt.
And it still won’t say what I want it to say.
It’ll say what you want it to say, and I want it to say what I want it to say.
What do you want it to say, Minister?
We want it to say what you want it to say, Minister.
I’m sure the parliament doesn’t want you to say anything you don’t want to say.
Stop wittering!

Well, Minister, if you ask me for a straight answer, then I shall say that, as far as we can see, looking at it by and large, taking one time with another, in terms of the average of departments, then in the final analysis it is probably true to say, that at the end of the day, in general terms, you would probably find that, not to put too fine a point on it, there probably wasn’t very much in it one way or the other.
As far as one can see, at this stage.


Er, Sir Humphrey, can I ask you a hypothetical question?
That’s always a good idea.
Well, suppose a Minister, a purely hypothetical Minister, were to be unhappy with a departmental draft of evidence1 to a committee.

And suppose that Minister were planning to replace it with his own draft worked out with his political adviser and people from his party…

I can’t believe it!

Footnotes

  1. the information that is used in court to try to prove sth (法庭上的)证据,证词,人证,物证 I was asked to give evidence (= to say what I knew, describe what I had seen, etc.) at the trial. He was released when the judge ruled there was no evidence against him. 法官裁决没有证明他有罪的证据,他获得释放了。 ↩