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so I recently received a quest to talk about being single in your early 20s the message read please write about coping with having never been in a relationship in your early 20s and what you should do is there no hope and I thought I could be an excellent resource on this because I didn’t date at all until my late 20s and when I say I didn’t date I mean I didn’t do anything until I was 26 I had no idea what a relationship was like I’d never slept with someone before I’d never gone on a date I never held hands
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with anyone nothing well let okay so let me give you some background to that I was raised in a non-religious household where dating was not an option and was actively discouraged from a young age I was told that girls who date would abandon their families and neglect their parents fail their exams become pregnant have no future or career and lose the chance of any possibility of success additionally from the age of six upwards I was told horror stories about statistics about intimate partner violence and stories about how dangerous
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men were Etc which would not only demonized all men to the young little girl that I was but also terrified me from ever talking to any of them now my story is not unique many people from strict households tend to only get the opportunity to explore dating once they leave home either for work or higher education sadly U my eating disorder and subsequent hospitalization the moment I left home kind of hindered my chances of even making friends let alone finding someone who would find me attractive
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enough to talk to let alone date so whilst it may feel like in your early 20s that everyone around you is falling in love and you’ll never find anyone that’s not the case I can say as someone who has never even come close to Falling in Love until my 30s that hope is not lost and you will find someone if you want to but when that happens will vary I know many people who got married in their early 20s but then divorced by their late 20s and then chose to remain single until their late 30s I know
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multiple people who have chosen never to date because they have no interest in it and I know people who have been together since school or university believe it or not there are many people who don’t date in their 20s at all although your Social Circle and social media may not reflect that I can speak personally that I have five friends in my life all of whom are in their 30s who have chosen never to date for multiple reasons and all of those reasons are personal private and valid but I should say that these people
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are some of the most gorgeous awesome people I have ever met and if they were to put themselves on the dating Market they’d be snapped up
snap sth↔ˈup
(informal) to buy or obtain sth quickly because it is cheap or you want it very much 抢购；抢先弄到手
All the best bargains were snapped up within hours.
所有最划得来的便宜货几小时之内就被抢购一空了。
(figurative)
She’s been snapped up by Hollywood to star in two major movies.
好莱坞抢先邀请她在两部大片中担当主角。
and fought over guaranteed
In this context, “fought over” means that multiple people would actively compete against each other to win their affection or date them.
guaranteed: and that is guaranteed(类似独立主格)
but people choose not to date in the 20s for multiple reasons which include prioritizing work creative projects solo travel or education exploring their sexuality or their gender identity prioritizing their personal growth freedom and friendships or simply because they just don’t have an interest in dating now in my 20s I fell under two categories I obviously
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prioritized my education and academic Pursuits but I also honestly had no interest in dating I didn’t fancy anyone to the point that I kind of questioned if I were a romantic or asexual because I truly was not interested however it’s also important to consider that my 20s were a bit of a rough period I was coming to terms with the extent of the abuse that I was subjected to growing up
come to term with sth
: to learn how to accept or live with something that is difficult or painful学会接受；忍受 — + with
It took him a long time to come to terms with the end of his marriage.
他花了很长时间才接受婚姻已结束的现实。
She has found it hard to come to terms with the demands of her job.
她发现难以接受工作对她的要求。
abuse
[U, pl.] unfair, cruel or violent treatment of sb 虐待
child abuse
虐待儿童
sexual abuse
性虐待
reported abuses by the secret police
已举报的秘密警察虐待行为
She suffered years of physical abuse.
她遭受了多年的肉体摧残。
and then dealing with the various mental health issues of the Fallout of s abuse and then struggling to pay my bills on
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minimum wage retail jobs and getting through my undergraduate and master’s degrees whilst living alone so needless to say dating was the last thing on my mind and I only started to date at the age of 26 due to social pressure to not end up alone I remember distinctively not feeling ready or even wanting to date at the time and but I was so embarrassed and ashamed of being a 26-year-old virgin who had never even talked to a boy romantically before and looking back on it now in my early 30s I
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know I shouldn’t have felt any shame or embarrassment because no one cared except for me and no one knew my circumstances except for my immediate family but the pressure to be normal and have a relationship like everyone else resulted in me saying yes to the first opportunity to be in a relationship even though I knew it wasn’t right for me or the other person when I was reading this message I just found it so Charming how we have such huge expectations of ourselves in our early 20s it’s
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fascinating how our brains work at that age you know the idea of not dating at such a young age means our potential for love falls into the category of hopelessness and that just shows how big the mental burden is We Carry in Our Youth and our expectations for our life I know you know someone my age unmarried still living alone without a stable job and still in higher education must seem horrifying to Young hopefuls out there however thanks to a lot of self-growth and healing I found more value in dating
hopeful noun
a person who wants to succeed at sth
50 young hopefuls are trying for a place in the England team.
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in my early 30s than I ever did in my late 20s and I certainly would not have trusted my judgment in my early 20s because that girl was a mess I know but as a 31-year-old who has dealt with most of her trauma I can be such a better partner now than I ever could have been in my 20s therefore resulting in better relationships and it wasn’t until my 30s that I even became open to giving and receiving love so if you are in your early 20s and never dated here is my advice on being single potentially all
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of your 20s or not as a late bloomer one you will meet so many people over the next decade stop underestimating yourself the pool of people that you are around in your early 20s is very different from those you meet in your late 20s and your 30s no one I dated in my 30s was in my life in my 20s they would never have been our lives would never have crossed before that point and I am so grateful that I met them when I did you have no idea where you will end up in 5 to 10 years or even in one year
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or two years you may get a job opportunity abroad move cities decide to go on holiday and all these little things will lead you to meet incredible people who may or may not become romantic interests the pool you’re in Now does not reflect the ocean that you about to swim through so don’t force anything to happen now just allow life to carry you through and see who comes along number two um you are not in your Prime
NOTE
[sing.] the time in your life when you are strongest or most successful 盛年；年富力强的时期；鼎盛时期
a young woman in her prime
正当妙龄的女郎
He was barely 30 and in the prime of (his) life.
他才 30 岁，正是英姿勃发的年华。
These flowers are long past their prime.
这些花的鼎盛花期早过了。
sorry to burst your bubble something many people believe but rarely admit to out loud is that they
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think that they need to meet the love of their life now in their early 20s because they are in their Prime you know I met someone once who said that she wanted to be married by the age of 25 because she quote didn’t want to look like an old lady in her wedding photos chasing after love and hunkering down with someone just because you don’t want fine lines in your wedding photos is not a healthy approach to love these superficial motives for finding love of your life will not result in a happy
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life because that’s not what love is about yes when you’re younger you may look more appealing to a wider audience and may be even classified as more fertile but you’re going to age and you’re going to need to make sure that the person you’re potentially spending years of your life with if not your whole life with makes you happy and you make them happy and that comes down to you both being mentally secure happy within yourselves having shared interests and passions and a love of life and that
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has nothing to do with how thin and young you look in a wedding dress also on a completely different note young 20s um I much prefer how I look in my 30s than I ever did in my 20s wrinkles and all so trust me you can bloom even further three stop defining Yourself by your relationship status I get it we still live in a world where we have bachelors and spinsters
a man who has never been married 未婚男子；单身汉
an eligible bachelor (= one that many people want to marry, especially because he is rich)
合意单身男子（常因富有而为理想对象）
a confirmed bachelor (= a person who does not intend to marry; often used in newspapers to refer to a homosexual man)
信守独身主义的单身汉（报章上常用来指同性恋男子）
there’s a lot of stigmatization against single people particularly women now I love a good romance story don’t get me wrong but because I didn’t grow up in a
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nuclear family and I wasn’t exposed to happy healthy couples I accepted from a very young age that there was a huge chance that would end up single for the rest of my life and I became content with that idea now don’t get me wrong it would be wonderful if I met someone and then spent the rest of my life with the love of my life but I would also ensure that I made myself a wonderful life to live if that never happens I see so many people wasting their lives by putting them on hold because they’re waiting for
on hold:
delayed until a later time or date 推迟；中断
She put her career on hold to have a baby.
她中断了事业以便生孩子。
The project is on hold until more money is available.
这项工程暂停，等到有更多的资金时再进行
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someone to complete them date yourself and give yourself the wonderful romantic life you want go to the theater and the cinema alone go traveling alone dress up nicely every day and look special for yourself or dying out alone experience life and enjoy it write that novel go to those painting or dance classes start that wee little business you’ve had an idea for or do whatever you want in life that makes a fulfilling life for you you can build such an incredible life alone and that in of itself will likely
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attract someone to want to join in with you on it focus on building a life you love rather than finding the love of your life I hope this has helped you if you like this video and any more please consider liking and subscribing to the channel if you have any video requests I have my Google doc forms down below you can go check that out and all other links and remember be happy and healthy and books save lives so keep reading