Hello beautiful people of the internet.It’s no longer human here.Today we are making an informative video about BPD.Yes, the highly stigmatized mental disorder.And guess what?Your boy has it.And I will be telling you guys how I deal with, certain symptoms and just how I regulate, as well as questions and answers from you guys.I posted this on my story in the beginning of September.September is also suicide prevention month,so I think it’s it’s a pretty fitting video for my channel.Um,so I asked you guys on Instagram, if you guys have any questions, and what are certain, topics you guys think it’s important to talk about in a video like this.One of the first questions that I got was, “How were you diagnosed with BPD,if you don’t mind?” I was diagnosed in the psychward last October.Um, so the thing is like the psychiatrist,they do a screening for you,a clinical screening, and then they kind of go through like questions they will ask you and then.
ask you about your symptoms and I met all the criteria for it.It’s nine out of nine I’m pretty sure.Um, at least the one that they did for me.Next question.How can we actively help someone with BPD and other mental disorders in general?Um,honestly the best advice I can give you guys is that, you cannot help someone that does not want to be helped.There is no way you can change someone’s mind about that.Even if they say they want help and they’re not actively, doing actions to try to seek help.All you can do is try your best to be empathetic and supportive for your friend,your loved one.Um but the thing is you you cannot fix them.You can ask them what their triggers are, their boundaries,their fears.So you can try your best to be, a wary enough to not trigger, them if it’s within your control.And also doing research on the particular, mental disorder that your loved one has, would be very very helpful by understanding more about it.Like you can be more empathetic.It’s just more like support.
You can ask them what they would, need like how they would like, support and what they would need, to feel supported, when they’re going through crisis.But the thing is if it ever gets too toxic, you also need to prioritize, yourself.This is [clears throat] so stupid,but like I remember watching this like Jaden Animations, video like when I was like really young.It’s like if you have your own little ecosystem, like little island ecosystem,and you leave your own ecosystem to take care of someone else,but then your ecosystem rots and dies, you should take care of yourself.Have firm boundaries with your [snorts] person that is struggling,but do not abandon yourself either.Another question someone asked is,“Does Manic feel like being drunk but like sober?” if that makes any sense.The most common misconception about BPD is that it’s bipolar disorder.Bipolar disorder experiences mania and depression.I was like reading this book about it in the psych and I was like, “Wa,
this is really very interesting, but I definitely do not have that.” Um,borderline personality disorder is different.It’s it’s more like you feel everything very very fast.Like in a day you can go up, down,up, down.Like when I was going through my worst [ __ ], I would be super super suicidal trying to like,you know,myself, and then the next moment I kind, of forget about what literally, just happened in the last hour.It’s just very very very intense emotions for the most part.We experience euphoria rather than mania.Did you ever get diagnosed for neurotypical things as well, autism and what not?Guess what, guys?Literally yesterday I got diagnosed with ADHD.Um the psychiatrist I’ve been with for the last almost like, 9 months um they finally put me on the psych assessment thing.They did a clinical one, but then they put me on another one.I got the diagnosis from the clinical one,but for me to have like medical records to show to school and, testing and accommodations and whatnot,
I need to get another psych assessment.And I I was on the wait list for that for like 6 months.Bro, I’m going to start stimulants in like 3ish [clears throat] weeks.I have to go in person cuz they have to take my vitals and then, as a controlled substance,so they can’t just like give you it via Zoom like, “Hey,your boy is going to get meds to help with their [ __ ] soon.” So, oh yeah,I’m also taking Alexa Pro right now.This video is brought to you by Stasis.If you have someone in your life who takes stimulants,you probably know that the crashes can be rough.Someone close to me who takes stimulants, would be very productive during the day,but by the time that late afternoon comes around, they get exhausted,irritable, and basically have no energy left.Even after crashing like that,they still sometimes have trouble sleeping at night.So, I had them try Stasis.It’s a two-part supplement specifically made for stimulant users.The daytime formula is designated to support things like energy, mood,
and focus throughout the day.The nighttime formula helps to support rest and recovery.What I like about Stasis is that, it’s third party tested and they, don’t use any proprietary, blends,so you can actually see what’s in it and how much you’re getting.According to my friend, after starting Stasis,their afternoon crashes didn’t feel as intense, and their energy seemed to be more consistent throughout the day.
Winding down at night seemed much easier.
Obviously, everyone’s experience is different,but if you or someone that you love takes stimulants and this sounds familiar,you can check out Stasis through my link.Another question is,what do you feel like when you blow up, and does it only happen when you’re angry?Um,the thing is anger is the emotion, that I have the hardest time, trying to regulate,even though I’ve done DBT.DBT is dialectical behavior therapy,which is like the therapy method that most therapists and psychologists, recommend people with BPD.People with BPD,
they usually grew up in a very invalidating, household and often trauma relating to that.There’s just like a lot of [ __ ], that happens during childhood, that causes them to like, have that.We’re just like very very sensitive, and sometimes those triggers just don’t leave.like that fear of abandonment, it doesn’t leave or perceived abandonment.The only thing you can do is to regulate, how you react to those feelings when it comes up.And that’s the hardest thing, cuz sometimes you want to lash, out at someone and then blow, up at someone.And that is not healthy because then the relationships gets pretty toxic.You say things that you don’t mean.You say things to trigger someone else to get a reaction out of them.It’s just, you know,basically like toxic [ __ ], And that’s why we often get associated with being super super toxic.Um yeah,back when I was going through the worst, episodes that I’ve ever went through with, BPD splitting,um splitting also is a thing.Basically,
when the person with BPD sees someone or a situation in all white or all black,there’s like no middle ground to it.It’s kind of just like either or.You could see like your favorite person as like the best thing in the world,but once they trigger you,it flips a switch and you can’t, like see them in the same light, ever again and you just keep, devaluing, them in your head.It just like it just keeps going.It just keeps going.So that’s why people with BPD have a very hard time maintaining friendships,relationships.When I was angry in the past, all I could see was like red.Not going to lie.I was like,I had so much repressed anger cuz I never showed like anger growing up cuz, I was supposed to be the bigger person in my household, and be more understanding of my mother,you know?So then [snorts] I kind of just like took all the anger that they had.But now I have like low-key anger issues, but you know,it it’s low-key now.Before, like a few years ago was like highkey,but it’s more lowkey.
I’m on Alexa Pro, so I’m more chill now.It’s kind of like when you feel like these emotions,these super intense emotions, like all you can feel is that emotion.Like you just feel it so intensely, way more than the average person.If you take a person with BPD’s brain scan,their amygdala is more activated than someone without BPD.Someone asked, “Is self diagnosing valid?People judge me because I can’t get psychologist because of family.” Um,I think it’s a very very slippery slope.you can see that you have symptoms that are aligned with BPD.I wouldn’t personally self diagnose, because of the fact that it could be something else,you know,but the thing is like I also, understand like a lot of people, do not have access to health, care and mental health support, either it’s because of family or insurance.
insurance
[U, C] an arrangement with a company in which you pay them regular amounts of money and they agree to pay the costs, for example, if you die or are ill/sick, or if you lose or damage sth 保险
life/car/travel/household, etc. insurance
人寿、汽车、旅行平安、家庭财产等保险
to have adequate insurance cover
有足够的保险保障
~ (against sth)
to take out insurance against fire and theft
办理火险和盗窃保险
insurance premiums (= the regular payments made for insurance)
保险费
Can you claim for the loss on your insurance?
你能向你投保的公司要求赔偿这一损失吗
So it’s it’s a very messy process.I understand I can empathize, but at the same time you know, it’s it’s a slippery slope.Oh, someone actually said something very informative.
If someone thinks that they have a disorder,they need to be open to the idea of every disorder.A problem of extreme attachment is often mistaken for BPD.The answer to your problems isn’t always the disorder.A disorder often makes life harder.How do you bring up thinking you have a personality disorder to a therapist?Okay, this is the thing.Um,I brought it up when I was seeing a certain psychologist/, therapist in high school.You know what they did?They laughed at me.They they genuinely laughed at me.They’re like, “Haha,there’s no way.” And I was like, “Oh,damn, bro.That’s invalidating as fuck.” But the thing is,they literally had like a onestar review on Google.And you know what the person on the Google review said?They said, “This place and the doctors makes me want to kill myself even more.Don’t go here.” And I was like, “Well,I mean, I guess they clocked it.”
clock
~ sb |~ that… | ~ what/where, etc.… (BrE, informal) to notice or recognize sb 注意到；认出
I clocked her in the driving mirror.
我从汽车后视镜里注意到她
They were kind of unprofessional as hell.So, but yeah,if you feel like um you do have it, just just just just say it.
just tell them, “Hey,I think maybe I I have this or that.Can we get a psych assessment or can we do a clinical, assessment for it?” Someone asked,“Do all the people with BPD victimize themselves or are they very controlling, their FP?” The thing is,there’s always a spectrum to these things, right?I’ve met people that are like very, very,very, I guess,chill is the word for it.There are people that do victimize themselves.I’ve been in that position.It’s funny.I say this because like people with BPD, sees things very black and white for the most part,at least in their heads.They can like logic themselves out of it,but sometimes our first instinct is is black or white.It’s like very ironic because people that don’t have the disorder, kind of see us as all black and white.They think that we’re like the worst people in the world, you know?It’s just like you’re super toxic, manipulative,victimizing, da da da da,controlling, and just like terrible people.
There are people that have worked on themselves that are in remission and, genuinely better.It’s just it’s just a big spectrum, right?Like I don’t think you can label all people with BPD as like, a certain kind of stereotype.Oh yeah.People always mistake borderline personality disorder with bipolar disorder.Bipolar disorder is a mood disorder.Borderline personality disorder is a personality disorder.And that’s why it kind of hurts, a lot because it’s just like, when people hear that, they think there’s something inherently, wrong with them like their personal like them as a person is just like [ __ ], and just there’s no saving.You know that’s why like we often lose hope but you know it is what it is.I want to let you guys know especially, those with BPD out there that, watch my content like you are, not your illness.Please separate your illness from you.I understand that, it feels like it’s such a big chunk of you and you’ve lived with this, for how many years of your life.We are not our mental illness.
What do you do if someone with BPD is clinging to you but it’s hurting you.If it’s very hurting you, you have to take care of yourself.You have to have your boundaries.If nothing is changing, if boundaries are constantly being crossed,and if it’s just getting toxic,I I don’t think you should stay in a situation where it’s like that.Oh yeah,someone mentioned that often BPD gets treated like an obsessive love disorder,and that is actually very, very,very, very gross.I saw this thing on Twitter.It was something like BPD [ __ ] like some [ __ ] Discord server.It’s so [ __ ] weird.People just like sexualize anything and everything,and it’s just like Like it’s absolutely disgusting, bro.It’s [snorts] not just a love disorder.We have chronic emptiness, dissociation,constantly impulsive and very reckless,also just never having a stable relationship in our lives.And our values and morals often, change depending on the person, that we’re attached to.
And you could definitely have a distinct personality outside of your disorder.That is not all that is to you.And I don’t think that is all that is to me either.Someone asked, “Have you abandoned the treatment before?” Yes.And I am not in therapy as of right now.I’ve been in and out of therapy for the last 11 years of my life,but it’s, I’ve just never found like a, therapist that I truly like connect, with that I’m like,“Oh, I [ __ ] with you.” You know?Um it always just feels, you know,and I I personally don’t prefer like Zoom therapists.I’d rather go in person to have like that, you know,humanto human interaction.But honestly, I feel like finding a therapist is as hard as finding a partner,like a romantic partner.It’s hard, bro.It’s hard and expensive if you don’t have healthcare.And sometimes to find a good therapist, you need to pay out of pocket.Someone also said, “I want to learn more about splitting.How does it happen?
How long does it last?” Splitting is basically like when you get triggered, and, it could literally be anything, like something that you see that, reminds you of a very painful, memory or kind of just like makes, you go into fight or flight.Um it also it usually is connected to your fear of abandonment, that trigger I guess.So then you just feel like you’re, you’re in a very very heightened, state and your your emotions, go very very crazy when you split.You think of someone as all bad.um the black and white thinking thing again.You see them as all bad and then sometimes you lash out at that person,but what I personally would recommend, you just take your space.Take your space.Put your phone in another room if you have to.Do not contact whoever it is, that triggered you or whatever, it is that triggered you.Let yourself have room to breathe and feel those emotions.A lot of people have coping mechanisms, but um for me,I lowkey don’t.I either just sleep it away.
Um, I don’t do any substances because it kind of really [ __ ] with my head.But I know people use cannabis to um help with BPD.A lot of people I know with BPD uses weed.Um, but I just don’t like weed.Just don’t.But for the most part, they seem kind of chillish.But some people have quiet BPD.Some people have more, you know,like some of their symptoms are more exacerbated and shown more easily.How do you cope with having a favorite person that doesn’t care about you?You rebound to another favorite person.Half joking.Half half joking.It’s like like I feel you cuz like the emptiness that you feel is so much.It’s just like you want to fill, it with a person to like add meaning to your life.And the thing with like people with BPD,we often associate, we almost like see our favorite person as an extension of ourselves.But the thing is you have to really have strong boundaries with yourself, as a person with BPD and also the other person needs to have strong boundaries.
There needs to be mutual respect.You cannot just like treat them however you want.Yeah.I heard medications don’t really work.That’s the thing.It’s more of a behavior thing [laughter] rather than like a oh, medication fixes your brain.Um yeah.The only thing that really helps to treat it,at least from what psychologists have told me, is DBT,CBT, and group therapy [clears throat] and like having a strong support system.And you know,like the Maslo’s, hierarchy of needs is kind of, like you you kind of need like, all those things on the bottom, to feel more stable,I guess.Does BPD ever go away?The thing is it could definitely go into remission.I do not doubt that.Um, a lot of people with BPD are usually fine when they’re single,but once they get into a relationship,like the fear of abandonment and all of those things kind of come rushing back, and that’s why we have a very hard time maintaining relationships.But, um,sometimes I also think like,oh [ __ ] like maybe I just need.
to be by myself so then I just, don’t become crazy.But I also think um the person that you attach yourself to,if they respect your, boundaries and your triggers and all that [ __ ] it really helps, to negate certain things.Yeah, I think that also really does help a lot.I’m also very scared.I am currently talking to someone and um my BPD has not been flaring up.It only flares up with my mom and um my best friend for the most part,but I think it’s because they’re the closest people to me.And I think my BPD, very much like manifests in the closest relationships that I have.So I’m kind of like I kind of, always close myself off to a, certain extent because I don’t, ever want people to see that, side of me, like me being clingy,me being like vulnerable and me like I don’t know.It’s just scary.It’s very scary.[snorts] Even for the average person, you know,without BPD, it’s scary as [ __ ] This is a good one.How do you deal with the guilt slash regret, of things you did when you came out of an episode?
I do not have a good answer to that cuz I did so many things that I regret.I’m not going to sit here and pretend like I’m a [ __ ] saint.I did [ __ ] up [ __ ] I was the manipulative person.I was controlling.I was d to see the situation more broadly.I guess it was also like reactive abuse.this other person was like constantly cheating and blah blah blah blah blah.So,I’m not saying it’s justified that I reacted in the, quoteunquote crazy ways that I did.
(informal) used to show the beginning (and end) of a word, phrase, etc. that has been said or written by sb else （用于引文的开始和结尾）引文起（…引文止）
It was quote, ‘the hardest decision of my life’, unquote, and one that he lived to regret.
那是，原话起，“我一生最困难的决定”，原话止，而且是他后来后悔了的决定。I
the second sentence says, quote, There has never been a better time to invest in the commodities market, unquote
the brochure describes the view as, quote, unquote, unforgettably breathtaking
I think looking back on it, it’s just something that happened.Both parties could have been better.I could have been better.The other person could have been better, too.But, um,yeah, it is what it is.But, it’s in the past now.I think, I think the thing that I try my best to do is just like, be a better version of myself.like because I know I did those things in the past.I reacted in ways that I shouldn’t have.I said things that I shouldn’t have.I stayed longer than I should have um when it was just cooked.I don’t know, you know,
like why did I stay for that long?I think I learned like I will never let someone push my buttons to, that extent ever again.Once they cross my boundary, I need to leave.I I just got to go.I cannot try to fix someone, believe in someone,da da da da da, you know,and let them keep triggering me and my BPD and make me feel crazy and like, make me go insane, and then end up at the psych word again,you know, like I’m not going to let that happen to myself again.Well, I’m going to try not to.No promises, chat.No promises.But, you know,it’s just like I I just I’m a pretty reflective and introspective person.So, I try to like do my best to be better in whichever ways that I can.And um yeah, I think everything is just a lesson.All the things that happened happened for a reason.And I don’t think I regret anything that happened in my life.All the bad [ __ ] made me into the person that I am today.So, I think um yeah,I think it taught me so much just about life.
These days, I honestly just am very very empty,very very numb.And I’m kind of like in a loop of just like self-hatred.Like I don’t like to project my insecurities on other people.So then I just keep to myself for the most part when I’m in those like episodes.So that I kind of just isolate myself.But um it’s also important to seek help and just, it’s okay to rely on loved ones.And I know, I feel like a lot of people with BPD have a very big fear of being codependent, on someone again and again cuz it happens often.I am also terrified of it.It’s just everything.You just need to have strong boundaries and enforce those things.When or what age did you realize you had BPD?Um, I suspected it around when I was 17/18 cuz oh my god,it was just crazy attachments.Person after person after person, I was like,why is this happening?Like, why is this such a cycle that I can’t get out of?Then I was like, [ __ ] maybe I do have something.But I never got it like diagnosed diagnosed until last October.
How do you find out that you’re not actually suicidal,but your BPD caused that thought?I think um for me at least, like I don’t think about wanting to off myself on a daily basis.I used to when I was like very young like middle school, high schoolish.Um because I was just so so so depressed.But now I don’t think I’m necessarily depressed.It’s just like when um my actually I don’t know like I don’t have motivation.I don’t have passion.All that [ __ ] But like I don’t want to like you know myself for the most part.Usually I only think that way when I’m like driven to a very very, intense emotional state in my head and then, caused my BPD and when I’m like splitting really bad.And it’s always like relationship, friendship, like relationship with my mom relationship like those kind of relationships, like that make me want to like, actually like off myself.But other than that, like on a day-to-day basis,I don’t really think that way.But that’s just me.Like if my mom’s like telling me like, “Oh,
she’s going to kick me out.She’s going to abandon me.Um, she disown me.” Like that makes me want to kill myself.Yeah.And that’s all we have for today.That is all that we have for today.This is funny cuz I have my, DBT workbook sitting next to me on my desk as I’m filming this.But I hope this was a pretty, informative video and that you guys learned a lot more about BPD.Um, but this is all just my experiences.So, like other people will definitely experience things differently.Everyone’s an individual and has their own experiences.So, yes.Um, I hope you guys enjoy today’s yapping video slashawareness video.We will see you in the next one.Hit subscribe and hit the notification bell and like and comment.I’ve always wanted to do that.