My life sucks and I don’t wanna do it anymore 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zHnKXD2cFBg&t=626s
无作者
My life sucks, and it’s never going to get any better.You know, I don’t have >> [sighs] >> you know,>> [clears throat], >> I’m never [snorts] going to be treated like a normal person.I’m never going to live the life I imagined when I was younger.And I’m never going to do the things that I envisioned, you know,when I was complete.>> [snorts] >> It’s the sad truth, man.It’s the sad truth.Yeah, right.Yeah.Right.Cut that It doesn’t matter what happened to you.It doesn’t matter what you’ve been through, what you will go through.None of that matters.All that matters is you keep a positive mindset, and you keep pushing,no matter what, man.I deal with a lot of mental health issues,and the thing about my mental health issues is that one day I want to live,one day I don’t.One day I want to go and conquer the world.One day I’m just the guy that got blown up in a car accident.And that’s the sad truth about it, you know?That is the sad truth about it.
Someday somedays your mind won’t agree with your body.>> [snorts] >> Your body won’t agree with your mind.And you just have to fight through that.It doesn’t matter what happens physically.As long as you can keep going, why not keep going?Why give up?You know, you were given a a chance to play this game of life,and you know,it’s sad to say some people don’t get to make it to where you are now.And you might look at your position and be like, “Damn.My life sucks.
I’m a chud.
Chud is a generalized term of disparagement used somewhat synonymously with fool, troll, and jerk, to suggest that someone (usually a man) is rude/boorish/regressive/unintelligent/etc. In online political discourse, chud is often used specifically as a left-wing insult for someone (again, usually a man) on the far right.
What am I doing?What am I going to do with myself?>> [snorts] >> What is the point of trying?What is the point of anything?But there’s always a point.There’s always a point, no matter what deck of deck of cards you’ve been dealt,no no matter what.No matter what mistake you make, no matter what your mind tells you.And sometimes, you know,when you make your mind the most powerful thing that you got.So, me for example,when my body was failing, when my organs were failing,when I had nothing else,
[panting] >> my mind would tell me it wouldn’t even argue with me.It would just keep going.It would keep going because that’s >> [snorts] >> it’s just all there is.There is no such thing as giving up here.And especially when you’re able to do this, you know?There’s people that make excuses for themselves every day.And hey, I’m guilty of that too sometimes,you know?Sometimes I do look at the grand scale of things and say, “Hey,>> [panting] >> I used to I used to have all the beautiful women I wanted,you know, as a young man.That was like the big deal, you know?All the women I could talk to in the day.All the people watching me thinking I’m cool because of, this expensive sweater I got on.These expensive shoes I got on.>> [snorts] >> And all for what?That stuff doesn’t matter, man.It’ll never matter >> [sighs] >> when you got something more valuable,>> [snorts] >> which is your mind.>> [panting] [sighs] [gasps] >> I don’t wish harm on anyone.You know, maybe in due in time maybe I did,
maybe I was hard-headed.You know, for whatever reason it may be,maybe it was justifiable, maybe it wasn’t,you know.I’ve been wrong many times before, and I’m still to be wrong and that’s the thing about it and, you know,specifically with me and the way I react to things,one little moment can shape the next 10 years, bro.And it’s sad, but uh that’s what I’m living here now,you know.I one night disobeyed my family members that told me, “Hey,don’t don’t drive that night, man.It’s kind of dangerous for you and especially you’re young,you’ve never driven this car.Stay indoors, man.You just worked.Go to sleep, man.It’s your day off.”
a day on which you do not have to work
Most weeks, Sunday is my only day off.Why not take a few days off?
And I didn’t listen because I wanted to go do something.And if you’re >> [sighs] >> able to say, “Hey,I don’t care what you have to say.I’m going to do what I want to do.” Okay,so now deal with the consequences and that’s exactly what I’m doing here, man.All this, I drove at night,you know.So, you might even say,“Hey, man,
what’s wrong with driving at night, you know?What’s wrong with that?I drive at night.I go to work and when I come out of work,it’s night time when I’m driving.” >> [sighs] [snorts] >> You know,but I was warned of it, you know.I guess I had to find out what they meant, you know,like Icarus when they told him not to fly so close close to the sun,not to lose his mind in the flight and you know, but I did.And I chose to.So, now I choose to keep fighting,you know.I didn’t crash my car.A drunk driver hit my car.My car exploded.But I didn’t have to be there in that moment.Not to say it’s my fault for being there or whatever,but I allowed myself to face an uncertain circumstance,a uncertain events that uh I faced, and now that I deal with, forever and I will continue to deal with for the rest of my life.And you know, that’s just the way life goes.And I’m not going to sit here and cry about the things that, you know,I’ve done wrong, you know.
I was talking to this beautiful girl at one point and I was going to marry her.Um but I messed it all up.I yelled at her a little too much one night.I, you know,if you’re man enough to make the mistakes, you’re man enough to admit to them.And face the consequences.And face the outcome.That’s what I’m doing.And I realize now, you know,this is a pivotal moment in my lifetime, you know,because I really have nobody.I have nobody.And even when I had everybody, it still felt like I had nobody.But now I literally have nobody, you know?And that’s just another thing I’m going to have to deal with.Another thing I’m going to have to face.I don’t have close friends.I never cared for friends.I never prioritized having friends, having true connections,genuine connections with you guys, girls.For girls, I only cared about you know?And for guys, I don’t care about guys,bro.I never did.Never.I didn’t like the politicking of oh who has bigger balls?Oh, this guy,
I think this guy he makes more money than me.Now I make more money No, I’m not even going to uh You see?Certain things that I held to a statue of importance, a statue.You know, a statue cuz it’s tall.Well, to a to a degree of importance.How much money?Oh, what kind of clothes does he wear?What kind of shoes does he wear?You know, I can’t tell you what matters in this lifetime,but I could tell you, you won’t know what matters if you don’t keep your mind intact.And for a lot of the times I would lose myself to a circumstance.I would lose to myself to a 10-minute discussion, to a 5-minute phone call,to a 10-second an And I would lose myself.I would lose myself completely.I wouldn’t know what to do.I wouldn’t know how to respond to.I went with what?What am I feeling right right now?I’m feeling anger.Okay, anger.Anger.Anger.Anger.Hatred.Hatred.That that all came back to me.You know, especially from people that one day or at one point loved me.It turned into hatred for them, too.They hated me.
They hate me now.And it’s sad to say, you know,and I could go here and cry about this stuff or you know,but it’s what’s happening.And it’s what I’m going to face and it’s what I’m going to deal with.So, there’s that.And today’s like one of those times where, I just got the idea of doing something and I was like,man, what should I do today?I have a YouTube channel.Why not make a YouTube video?And that’s the thing about me.It’s like a lot of the times my mind is dormant and it’s like on autopilot.And I’m just there sitting there watching TikToks, watching Instagram reels,
Reels in “watching Instagram Reels” means Instagram’s short-form vertical videos, similar to TikTok videos or YouTube Shorts.
you know, watching YouTube videos,doing stuff.But that’s like idle time, man.And I think one of the greatest things about my YouTube here is that I’m able to, voice my mind and speak and say what I truly feel.And a lot of the times I don’t get to do that, you know,because I have nobody.And you know,maybe things would have been different if one day I didn’t take the approach, but I took the approach.
I took the approach that led me here.You know,and, I know a lot of the times I feel like, all of the people that support me on Facebook,a lot of people that support me on YouTube,I just feel like it’s just all positivity, you know,and it’s really good.But even then that could be blinding in terms of hey,I really I messed something up.But this guy from YouTube is telling me I’m amazing and I’m a champion.Because he doesn’t know me.He doesn’t know the things I’ve done.He doesn’t know, you know,right from wrong in my perspective, or what I’ve done or what I’ve done that’s wrong or what I’ve done that’s right,you know?And I am really trying here as a 22-year-old to change that.Oh, there’s somebody coming.It was a guy on the trail.I asked him for directions.I’m going the wrong way.But you know,the approach of things and the way you go about a specific scenario.Maybe one day, you’ll be in a scenario where, you will where you won’t even, know it’s a pivotal scenario,you know?
You won’t know that the actions I have on this exact moment,in this exact moment, will have consequences in the future,you know?Butterfly effects and all.>> [snorts] >> And you know,I can recognize that uh, I made a lot of crucial mistakes that have led me right here.But where is right here?Is it so bad?I don’t think so, you know?Because there was a moment where I couldn’t see.I couldn’t open my eyes.I couldn’t eat.I couldn’t talk.I couldn’t go to the bathroom without the use of a catheter.And if you know that feeling, let me tell you about that feeling,man.A whole tube through your urethra, that’s crazy.And I really lose myself in specific scenarios and it’s really hard.And it will be hard.But I’m on a path of redemption right here,and it is September 4th I’m I believe September 4th.And this is the same place I was at in that video where I made what January 2nd, where I said 2nd instead of second.And progress-wise I would say I’m better.
I would say I’m trying to come out of a shell that uh I made for myself.And things are going pretty good.Now we can’t predict the future, we don’t know exactly what’s going to happen.But we can make a educated guess of what can happen.So whatever I face I I will keep fighting.I will keep going.And I will never ever by any means or any circumstance give up.See on your way up you might even ask people, you know,cuz people mean no harm, a random person.You ask them, “Hey man,is this the right way?” He said, “No.” He said,“This is the way for the neighborhood.Uh the way you’re looking for is just on the other side.”, Meaning the complete opposite from where I came from.>> [sighs] >> He didn’t do it on purpose.But it just goes to show you that some people just don’t know.And I made it up here.What it was it?Like a 2-mi walk incline like crazy incline.There’s crows up here and stuff.>> [sighs] >> You know what that means.But uh I made it here.
I was getting ready to just like drop dead halfway up, man,but uh I’m up here.I’m up here.Who would have thought, man?From a guy that couldn’t walk a couple months ago a year now.I just started walking last year.From a guy that uh, survived the unthinkable, and furthermore has crazy brain problems where he’s kind of crazy and cuckoo,but he didn’t give up.And he made it up here.And that goes to show you that that’s like a metaphor for life, man.You know, you can’t give up halfway.You can’t stop going when you’re almost there.And I almost did.There was a There was a There was like a cut-off to the wrong way,and I thought that’s what that was it again, but no.I kept going.I followed my heart.And I’m here.I’m going to lay down for a bit, actually.Might catch a a siesta, to be honest.It’s beautiful, isn’t it?Let me get some nice videos for you.Wow.There’s people playing golf right there.But we’re here.Sun beaming.It never mattered.We did it.And I’m going to lay down.Goodnight, cruel world.
I’ll see you in the morning.Oh my glob.Bro, I nearly fainted like at the end.I kind of tumbled.And I I myself.Damn.>> [clears throat] >> Doesn’t it feel good to make it to your destination,to the finish line?And in this case, I was on a crazy hike and the finish line was in my car.Making it to the car, you know?>> [sighs] >> And now the real finish line is going to go to 7-Eleven, because I want a little drink or something.So, there’s that.Um man.>> [sighs], >> That was like a 4-mile hike with the craziest incline that I’ve ever seen.What am I doing?I’ve never hiked before, and especially after my accident.Man, why did I do that to myself?I don’t know, man.I was kind of bored and I wanted to make this YouTube video for you.Um I got some nice views up there, so it was worth it,man.There was an old man uh coming up as I was going down.I was like, “Hey,how are you doing?” Man, if I can do it,he can do it.And if he can do it, I can do it,so yeah, man.And just as I was coming down,
this guy playing uh the tambourine or or the uh the drums right here.He’s making like a little beach vibe type of thing.He’s not playing for anybody, he’s just playing.So, that’s pretty sick.I really liked that uh I was going to talk to him,but I was really freaking I wanted to get to my car.But man, what a day.What a day.Just go on a side quest, man.If you have nothing going, just hm What makes me happy?Hm.Well, I like the smell of nature.I like being outside.All right, let’s go on a 30 billion mile hike.Okay, maybe not like that,but something fun.This was definitely fun.And yeah, I hope you’re enjoying your weekend,and I hope you’re enjoying your life as much as I enjoy mine,even though it may seem like a stretch.But I do enjoy my life,and I hope you that uh maybe you’re a little more complete than I am,maybe have a couple more things than I do.I hope you take advantage of that because not to say I envy you,but uh there’s just some people that don’t have that stuff.
Even right here, there’s some people that don’t even have arms,that don’t have legs, that have to be in a wheelchair.I was in a wheelchair.Now I’m not, and I’m grateful for that every day.So, whatever it is you do,I love you so much, and I love myself so much,and that’s the most important thing is self-love, and no matter what happens,if you’re willing to try and try again, life really can’t get you down.So, much love out there.Woo.