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Hello beautiful people of the internet. It is no longer human_77 here. Today we will be talking about a topic that I’ve been wanting to talk about, but also I don’t exactly know how to go about it. But I think tonight I feel like these feelings really settled down. So I think I’m able to talk freely about how I feel. I don’t know, it’s weird cuz like I’ve kind of been forcing myself to be very optimistic and constantly doing things that are outside of my comfort zone and somehow kind of
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worked for a little bit, but I’m also always scared that things will always come crashing down at any second. And it’s kind of how I feel right now cuz just having like the realization that everything that I’ve been doing all the copium that I’ve been doing is kind of just masking everything that has been boiling up inside of me this whole entire time. I feel like in some ways I might have successfully lobotomized myself. Like I feel like that one Patrick meme where he’s like goofy and
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[ __ ] I’m not sure if it’s just so much trauma in the recent months that my brain kind of flipped a switch and said like you know, we’re actually going to repress every single thing from before so that you don’t actually go and kill yourself anymore. Cuz back then at that time it was it was like really really bad. Like I was genuinely trying to like off myself every single week. I don’t know for me like medication works because like I’d rather feel numb than feel everything all at once. Like I
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genuinely don’t want to feel any emotions. I don’t know if it’s because how crazy I was back when I was having very very very bad BPD episodes. Like it was so intense. I felt like I was going to rip my head off. I thought I was Okay, sorry. My lighting is my freaking laptop light. It’s literally like 2:30 a.m. Yeah, it was so intense. Like so adrenaline filled. I genuinely thought I was going to off myself. Sorry. Um this is like kind of I feel like I’m kind of traumatized. Like I feel like these days I’ve been
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just oh no, it feels more draining to feel sorry for myself all the time and the circumstances that I cannot control. I cannot control any of it. I still get like nightmares every night, but that’s probably just me repressing everything during the day so that it comes back to me at night time or something. Everything that has happened the last couple of months, the past year, and even before that weighs on me so heavily and I just constantly ask myself like why me? Why did this happen to me?
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Why? Why did I have to trust a narcissistic liar? Why was I staying in a relationship when I got cheated, giving them chances over and over again when they were never going to change? Why did I think I was going to change them? I don’t know. I I I I don’t know. I still don’t know and I still like am a bit delusional in that way like, oh maybe they’ll come crawling back to me. That’s never going to happen. >> [laughter] >> That’s not going to going to happen. I
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even got blocked on Spotify. Like who blocks people on Spotify? If you get blocked on Spotify you must have done some [ __ ] up [ __ ] I got blocked on Spotify. Oh yeah, okay. I do take accountability that I don’t think splitting on people and saying things doing things when you are having an episode is an excuse to excuse it. I I’m not a [ __ ] saint. I am genuinely human. I am as human as it gets even though my name is no longer human. Um, I am not a [ __ ] saint. I feel like I should have just left when it got bad.
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Why did I stick it out and like drive myself crazy and let myself do things that was not aligned with me and made me become such a bitter, angry, jealous, possessive type of person. Like why did I let that happen to myself? I was like so angry all the time because I was in a situation that I felt like I couldn’t control. But the more that I tried to control it, the more I tried to the tighter I held on, the faster the faster it was going to all unravel basically. >> [snorts] [sighs] >> I just
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I don’t know. Like these questions of why did I let this happen to me? Why did this happen to me? Why can’t I be enough for anyone? Including myself. Why is my brain my biggest enemy? It was so so easy to feel sorry for myself. And I still think it’s very easy to feel sorry for myself. And just wallow in self-pity. Like it’s genuinely a hole that is so hard to dig yourself out of because basically dig the hole yourself. You dig your own [ __ ] grave. Oh [snorts] man. Like I’m laughing about it, but you
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know, like it low-key heats me up inside. >> [laughter] >> I just feel like I’m always hyper analyzing all the trauma and trying to intellectualize it. Be so introspective and trying to make sense of it, but in reality it just makes me feel like I’m running in circles. I’m just like running in a loop in my own head. And there’s no end to it. There’s no end. Because in my self aware brain, hyper self-aware, I feel like I’m always thinking about those things that genuinely leave me nowhere.
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It’s just I know the nuances of everything and yet I feel so so so stuck. It was like I was trying to solve a problem that wasn’t meant to be solved in the first place. Like there is no solution to this problem. >> [snorts] >> Yeah, and last month some very very very bad things happened to me, but I I I was literally in a foreign country all by myself, no one to rely on but myself. And the situation was so bad and I don’t want to get into much detail of it, but um yeah. I was literally crashing out so bad for
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like maybe a few days and then I came to some epiphany. I was like bro, like I’m literally somewhere that 99% of people would love to travel to and I’m upset because someone took advantage of me. All right, yes, it’s bad. It’s bad. Someone dumped on me. Like it it’s bad, but like Like I know I shouldn’t validate the bad experiences, but I guess in my head I’m like thinking of it as reframing reframing the perspective and whatnot. I just tried so hard to find things that I
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like doing like maybe going outside for a walk, getting lost and explore wherever I went. By the way, I was in Japan. Um yeah, as much food and pancakes as possible. I think I must have like gained some weight from that. Um definitely I am. I was genuinely using food to cope so hard. Like every day I’m just like, “Oh, what makes me happy? Ah, food.” Ah ha ha ha. But you know what? It’s it’s valid cuz cling on to all the happiness that you can get. Um cuz sometimes it’s hard to come by. So, I
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don’t know. I was just like living for like the small things. Like genuinely, I don’t have a direction in life. I am about to drop out. I guess I’m doing this YouTube [ __ ] but like unless I get some good sponsors, I’m not really getting paid [ __ ] >> [snorts] >> But that’s just the reality of things, and it is what it is. That’s that’s what I tell myself. It is what it is. It is what it is. My phone ran out of storage. [ __ ] Well, I don’t even remember what I
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was talking about, but I something about being grateful since I was in Japan and stuff. Might as well try to meet some new people, push myself out of my comfort zone, reconnect with people, and build upon those friendships. And be communicative with people. And I think I did a good job on that regard because I feel like for the first time in months, actually no, almost a year. Cuz I was so so iso- Oh, [ __ ] It’s actually been a year. It’s April now. >> [clears throat] >> Okay, first time in a year I feel like I
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actually feel like I have some sort of belonging. Like it’s not exactly what I envisioned envisioned it would be because at least for people with BPD like find like your favorite person and like you cling so hard onto that. And it becomes like your entire world romantically or platonically. You know? But right now I don’t I don’t have a favorite person and thank god. Thank god. Like now I feel more sane. Like but at the same time I keep people at a distance but also like I try my best to like
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I don’t know. It’s a weird dynamic. I think I am very very very very very closed off now. And very untrusting of people but um I do think sometimes my intuition saves me. Cuz these days ooh my intuition it be right. It be hitting it on the dot. It saves me so much time and effort and just like energy by trusting my intuition for once. But um yeah, there’s been people that passed my intuition and I feel like it feels warm. But I’m glad I like strengthened strengthened Why do I have
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like an accent when I like say that? Um like some friendships that I hold important and I think they are so so dear to me now. And maybe all those bad things I endured like is bringing me to the realization of how important it is to have friends and put yourself out there. It’s so scary man. Genuinely so scary. I’m so [snorts] rejection like sensitive social rejection sensitive. Like then I just like don’t try don’t try at all. Like I think back to like what this guy in the psych ward said and
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they say like um you can focus on all the things that you don’t have and look at your peers and what they’re doing and compare yourself endlessly with them. But I feel like if you could name maybe a few things that you are grateful for that you like about yourself or the people around you just anything that you’re grateful for at all. And I feel like those things are so worth holding close to your heart, very dear to your heart. And remind yourself that that’s the reason why you are still
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going. That you are keep that you keep going, that you keep on going. No, [ __ ] I am not a public speaker, if you guys can’t tell. I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about. I’m just word word jumbling everything. I just feel like if I cling onto these small things that I hold dear to my heart, maybe then life wouldn’t be as bleak as I usually paint it out to be, you know. I guess with this new found optimism and reframing of perspective and blah blah blah blah blah. I feel like I’m so I’m still very scared
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that everything will just crash down again. Like if I’m like skeptical, if I’m too happy, like life is just going to hit me with like another [ __ ] car. Wait, it’s like it’s like that one meme. It’s like, “Oh, you got shot twice. Oh, and and and then guess what? You guys I got shot twice in the head or uh yeah, uh yeah. Um why am I quoting like TikToks? Um >> [snorts] >> Uh this generation’s going to be so cooked, so cooked. I don’t know. But I feel like maybe I should just let
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myself ride out this wave cuz I know there’s going to be ups and downs. Obviously, that’s just life. If I am so focused, like, “Oh my god, what’s going to go wrong now? Oh no, what else is coming next to me in the ass by me in the ass?” I feel like then I would just fulfill this self-fulfilling prophecy, I guess. So I’m just going to ride out the wave, like, “Okay, well, I’m chilling. I’m kind of chilling right now. I’m doing some things that I feel passion for,
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regaining some passion again to I didn’t make makeup videos for like 6 months. Like I used to love makeup and like sharing that kind of stuff online and like doing makeup for my friends, teaching them and stuff, Like off camera and stuff like that. Like those things I love doing and once you’re at a very low point nothing seems to be worth doing. So then I just stopped, completely stopped. Sometimes I just think, I mean, if this is like how I’m going to live for the rest of my life, I just need to ride out
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this wave of up and down and up and down, severe up and severe down. I don’t know. I just need to learn to live with it differently, basically. I literally like how long has it been? I’m 21 now. I think I first went to my um what’s it called? Pe- pediatric doctor when I was like 11 and I was like, “Man, I really want to kill myself.” And then she was like, “Oh, you might be depressed.” And then she told my mom and my mom was like laughing and I was like, “What the
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[ __ ] is wrong with her?” Cuz like she don’t got any she don’t got she got she don’t got any emotional maturity. That’s like how Asian parents go, especially first gen. First generation immigrants, you know what I mean? Yeah, that’s just how it is. Um she was laughing and then the doctor was like, “Oh, this is no, serious. This is no laughing matter. Like why the hell are you laughing?” Then the doctor had to yell some sense into her, but even then she don’t really
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understand. She still doesn’t really understand, but what can you do? What can you do? For so long I’ve been in and out of therapy, never stuck to it, never seriously took the meds seriously. Still low-key struggling with that right now. I don’t know. I keep thinking like, “Oh, it doesn’t do shit.” But obviously it does something. But then I’m like, “Why do I have to rely on meds for the rest of my life to or like the foreseeable future to like just live normally?” Like that’s
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low-key kind of buns, but like I mean, if I need I need it, you know? Speaking of which, I need to write a reminder on my phone to call my psychiatrist for med refills. Med refill. Call. Okay. If I don’t write it down, I will not remember it. By no means am I a self-help guru. I am just simply sharing my experience on the internet as a human, not human, no longer human. [laughter] Yeah, I definitely do not have answers to all my problems even though I am a chronic overthinker. I don’t have the answers to your
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problems either, so please do not trauma dump in my DMs. Please, please, please. I I I have enough [ __ ] going on. The only way that I try to help people is by sharing my experience and maybe people could find like solace in my videos and that’s why I keep making videos and that’s what genuinely kept me going. I was When I was in the ward, bro, the doctors would be like, “So, why are you depressed?” I’m like, “It’s just been this way.” He’s like, “What is one thing that keeps you
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going?” And I’m like, “I mean, I make YouTube videos sometimes and people kind of [ __ ] with it. Sometimes. Sometimes they do and I do get messages that people say that it helped them when they’re feeling really down and depressed and somehow I genuinely don’t know how it helps people. Maybe it’s my own like imposter syndrome, but um I guess I verbalize a lot of feelings that some people just don’t exactly know how to put into words. And having that out there in some sort
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of space makes people feel seen. And it’s so weird cuz I share everything that I feel because it’s something that helps me personally. Like I started this channel as an emotional outlet for myself cuz I didn’t have support system. Basically, that’s that’s literally the the origin, the lore, I guess. And when people tell me that I actually impacted their lives in a positive way. At the time for me that was enough reason to try to keep trying, you know, to get up, to pick myself up
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from the dirt and all the [ __ ] [ __ ] that I was like in, I guess. And just try. Not Not for myself cuz I don’t really like see much worth within myself, but if I could help people in any sort of way, it is so meaningful to me and yeah, that’s what really keeps me going. So, thank you guys. I don’t want to cry. I do not want to cry. I do not want to cry. But, um I don’t know if you guys could see my eyes tearing up, but it could be the contacts and my glitter. Um but, [laughter]
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yeah, I just Yeah. Genuinely because of the because of the online community that um I have, I met so many cool people online, and that’s why I feel less isolated now. Um a lot of cool artists, people that like similar things as me, and yeah, really grateful. I’m genuinely so grateful for these things. I feel like I had to learn how to like go of being so comfortable in my own sadness after after all that was kind of all that I knew. Not to be kind of corny, but it is it is definitely strange and
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uncomfortable to put forth change into that, cuz when you’re mad, when you’re sad, when you’re depressed, all you think is like, “Oh, why can’t I be happy? Why can’t I do this?” Or it’s more frustrating when you think that way. You know what I mean? It’s just like, “Why can’t I do these things? Why is it so easy for other people to just do these things? Like these basic human things, basic human functioning, like getting a job, like oh my god, like maintaining school
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or work or whatever the hell.” Making new friends, it’s just like, “Why is it so hard?” It’s definitely extra hard for us in that type of way. Cuz I was so deep into this like victim mentality, I couldn’t see anything else. Ah, it’s so easy to pin everything on everything else, everyone else. On things that happened to me, and to take action. Because taking responsibility and putting forth action in my life to change the status quo, that is so uncomfortable. Obviously, it
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it sounds uncomfortable, but actually doing it, it’s just like, you don’t want to. Like if you’re stuck in mud, like you’re like, “Ah, why why do I want to like go wash up?” Like someone’s going to push me into the mud again. You know what I mean? It’s like, “I’d rather just stay in my [ __ ] mud.” But my girl, you’re in mud. Come on, let’s get you out of there. We we you can pick yourself up and I we can help you, you know? Yeah. It’s like I blame my BPD, I blame my
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depression, I blame my anxiety, I blame my mom for the way that I am, but sometimes it’s just like I have to realize like all these things that I deemed as like, “Ah, this is my personality.” It doesn’t make me more complex or special, you know? It’s just something that’s I’ve experienced and I guess I have to take it as a learning lesson. And it sucks that life keeps throwing learning lessons into my face like a [ __ ] air gun. That that analogy made no [ __ ] sense.
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It’s almost like that one BoJack quote. You know, like from Diane she was talking about like, “Oh, good damage or bad damage.” Like if it’s if all the damage is just damage, then like then then what? You know? Then what do you do? For a lot of the people that struggle with mental health, like you equate your character and your whole persona to the damage that was done because it was so integral to like your life. So then it becomes like a big part of your identity. So then what without it,
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then what would you be? That’s what I like ask myself. I’m like, “What would I be without all of this shit?” I guess I just decided like it doesn’t really matter what happened to me. Like I mean, it does. Obviously it does. But I can’t keep clinging onto all my trauma and everything bad that’s happened to me as if I’m still living in that in the present, you know? Like of course it replays in your head. Um I just I don’t want to relive that [ __ ] And keeping myself in the mud is
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basically that. I don’t know. I don’t really have like a direction with I guess this video is just me and my thoughts and me verbalizing everything that I have been thinking about and feeling. It’s just like if I keep being stuck in that hole my whole entire life then I’m I’m not living. I’m literally not living. I would just always be living in my own brain, you know. I guess like I have to choose what I want to choose. The pain of growth or the pain of changing. It’s kind of like that. I know
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it’s so corny as like that [ __ ] hope core [ __ ] that you see on your free page and [ __ ] that I repost if you guys actually follow me on like Instagram [ __ ] but um yeah. I just don’t want to watch my life go by without doing anything that is meaningful to me. And I feel like the past 10 years kind of has been like that. So I’m just like, “Okay. >> [snorts] >> It’s been that way for that long. Is it going to be another 20 years? 30 years? Watch all this [ __ ] just pass me by.
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Like maybe maybe I should do something. Maybe I should do something.” Even though what if sometimes I don’t think it’s enough. I need to be nicer to myself as well. Self-love is not easy by any means, guys. >> [snorts] >> Yeah, it’s not easy. Top of the topic of living in my own head, I also think that social media perpetuates that this super fast-paced life and everything is just over consumption of cheap dopamine. The moment you wake up, you touch your phone you’re like, “Ah, let me scroll on
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TikTok.” It’s so bad for our brains. Genuinely. I don’t want to be like that like Facebook mom saying like, “Ah, it’s the damn phones.” But guys, genuinely it do be the damn phones. It do be the damn phones, man. It’s like social media is such a facade. Like I get so much FOMO every single time I swipe up on um IRL mutual’s story and I’m just like, “Ah, I feel like so jealous.” I’ll see all these people online doing things that I wish that I could be doing or I wish I had this kind
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of life or I wish I looked like them. I wish I had their face. I wish I had their body. I wish I had their personality. It’s just like everything that I find wrong with myself, I could like look at people online and be like, “Oh, I want that. I want what they have, but I don’t and I can’t be them.” Then I’m like, “Wow, I’m just stuck with myself.” I honestly think it’s just because like I grew up always getting compared to my peers by my mom. So then self-consciously I
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start to do that to myself, even though she kind of stopped doing that [ __ ] cuz I kind of told her off, but yeah. I just feel like every morning I wake up, I scroll on Twitter. Oh my god, Twitter is the biggest rage bait place ever. And just going on Instagram, Tik Tok, the brain rotted scrolling and [ __ ] It’s like I don’t even know why I do these things. I guess it’s just to relieve boredom, but all it does is just give me cheap dopamine and fry up my [ __ ] dopamine receptors.
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Even though I know the facts of all of this, it’s just actually so hard to stay off my phone, especially when I make videos for you guys and then I have to post more and I want to take this to the next level and like make it big. Not like big big, but like I just want maybe for it to become a full-time thing. That’s like the goal, but obviously right now >> [laughter] >> Not Not going to happen anytime soon. Maybe like if I keep up the grind for like 2 years. We’ll see. We will see. Only time will
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tell. Who will know? Who will know? Yeah, unless I get like House of Highlights, Clippers. I don’t know. Some crazy collab. That shit’s not going to happen anytime soon. So I’m going to I’ll be forever be a niche internet micro celebrity. Okay, what the [ __ ] am I doing, bro? Back on the topic of what the hell what the hell were talking about? You see, I have a brain of a [ __ ] goldfish. I might actually be Patrick Bateman. Like I Like I keep saying it as a joke, but like I might actually be Patrick at
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this point. Just Oh yeah, social media, phones, da da da da da, da, culture, comparison. Ah, yes, that’s what I was talking about. Yeah, you can’t really stay off your phones when the whole entire world is using their phones and that’s how we stay connected. It’s so interconnected these days, but at the same time everyone feels so lonely. Like, don’t you guys ever think about that and how weird that paradox is? I just feel like the culture now we are living on the internet at this point.
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Um so comparing ourselves online and feeling [ __ ] about ourselves is so normal like and like with everyone posting 24/7 about what they’re doing day-to-day it feels like you’re never doing enough. And especially, oh my god, with like that [ __ ] looks maxing [ __ ] it just feeds off of your insecurities. All of that [ __ ] is. I think whole beauty industry is to be honest. But that’s a whole ‘nother topic, honestly. That’s a whole ‘nother topic. I feel like I just see like my mutuals
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travel to places, party a lot, hang out with so-and-so, hang out with big groups with a lot of friends or people that I think is cool and I follow or blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Oh, go to clubs, go to raves, go to big festival events. Um yeah, have jobs that make it seem like they have a very fulfilling and fruitful life. Of like, it’s obviously good for them, you know, like good for them, happy for them, but at the same time you start to feel insecure about these things if you don’t if you feel like you don’t have those
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things. So then when you see other people living out their lives in a way that you wish that you could, but you just aren’t. Uh, I feel like jealousy and envy is very normal, you know? Um it’s so weird cuz like I see those things and I see those things so often that I feel like I want those things, too. Like I I don’t do any substances. I’m literally raw dogging life, bro. Like, maybe I should be on like [ __ ] weed, shrooms, nicotine. I don’t Okay, not nicotine, but I don’t [ __ ] know, man. Like, with
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like the crowd of people that I think is cool and I really want to fit into, they kind of all smoke and do all that [ __ ] but it’s not exactly something I want. You know what I mean? But, like seeing that so normalized and how that’s how people socialize, like I feel the pressure to fit in so bad. I like I struggled that my whole entire life just like trying to fit in, doing things that I wouldn’t do, or just masking a part of myself, filtering myself to become this type of person that I think that they
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would like, to mirror their behaviors and mannerisms so that I could fit into that crowd. Even though I don’t particularly like that crowd, or want to be like that. Even though I know it deep down that that’s not how I would want to be, I still do it. I still do it. I also just like genuinely hate being around people too often, cuz I need my alone time. I genuinely need my alone time. Like, if I hang with someone, the next day I have to be alone. I cannot be around someone again. Like, day like
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back-to-back. Like, I just can’t do that. It’s It just I don’t know. I just feel so drained. I just I don’t even want like a high-tier job, or like a job that people deem as like, “Oh my gosh, like you’re so cool. You went to like Harvard. You went to Columbia. You’re like a lawyer, or like, oh, you work in IT, or like, you know?” It’s like, I don’t care about those titles. Cuz, first of all, they feel so pretentious in the first place, but I think I realized like my values and what I
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really want is just like I want to be rich in love. Not like romantic love, just like love in general. Like, I want to have good friends. I really want to have good friends that I really trust and feel like I got their back, they got my back kind of thing. I know it sounds so corny, guys. Like, I feel like as long as I can do something that I like and have the bills paid, like I don’t care if it’s not the best paying job. I just want to be happy and sustain myself. You know? I think that’s all I could really ask
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for. Just finding things that I love, spreading love to people that I love. And finding love in life, like loving life, like if that’s even possible. Like loving to live life, I guess. Yeah. Yeah, I think that’s what I want. I just hate the fact that people are so reduced to what kind of job they have, what kind of friends they have. It’s like cuz I like we live in a very capitalist society, so then it’s just like like you need money to survive, you know, obviously. But um when you’re literally being
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defined by that, like we’re not seeing us people, but rather like work slaves. Just like your identity is just what you do for a job. I just I just I just don’t know. I honestly feel like if I’m constantly watching others live a life that I want so bad, I’m just genuinely not living mine at all. Like I’m just like watching people on the screen, and then I’m just like sitting here like a child, like That’s so embarrassing, but I promise you guys, it’s okay to mute, block,
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unfollow content that you don’t want to see. Like you have free will. If it’s your mutuals, if it’s your schoolmates, it’s your family members that makes it make you feel like being online feels so anxiety-inducing, just [ __ ] block them. [ __ ] follow them, make them unfollow you as well. Like it’s okay. It’s okay. I promise you it’s okay. I don’t think you owe anyone an explanation, either. Um because definitely just like your physical space, the online space, it’s
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such it takes a toll in your brain. It’s definitely space in your head. So, well, it’s a space on your phone, but it takes up space on your head, is what I’m trying to say. Um so, if you clean up that space, it’s it’s almost like cleaning up your own room, you know? I promise you it’ll do so much for your mental health than always like feeling the constant pressure of or just feeling bad every time you open up social media, you know what I mean? Like what I did was like I kind of turned my for you
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page on Instagram into like hope core, but not like in a in like a toxic positivity type of way, more like a uh just like encouraging messages, people just genuinely being really nice and it’s like usually in the form of art. Um that’s how I like it at least. That’s what I do. And actually helped me a lot. Just making a space where I actually feel comfortable in did so much for me. Cuz then I could post whatever I wanted and express myself freely. Cuz I think self-expression is so so so so
00:29:19 - 00:30:16
important. Um and integral to one’s identity. Yeah, that’s just like my experience with curating your Instagram social media stuff to make you feel better about life, I guess. Like but now my feed is not brain rotting videos. Thank god. I hate brain rot. I’m sorry. Genuinely my brain is so rotted. I cannot take more brain rot. Like please stop putting up more brain rot. I can’t. Can’t just got my [ __ ] slime ASMR. It calms my nerves. And I like looking at pretty art and artists I like
00:29:47 - 00:30:39
and people that make like cool [ __ ] I also really like when people make like 3D printed designs of like little things and then they make it a fidget toy, like the little clickety clackety um keycap. Like that’s so cute. And it’s just so positive. It just makes me so giddy. I’m just like, “Ah, this is so cute.” I I love that [ __ ] Um genuinely filling my space with things that are so tiny cute makes me feel good when I look at them. Like that makes me less anxious to be on my phone and on
00:30:13 - 00:31:18
social media and it makes me genuinely just in a better mood and happier. Yeah, and I really like artists that have like meaning and like that’s in their art or like even just words and like notes and maybe some like um people that do like vlogs as well. Also, I think it’s a slippery slope to to like consume positive content cuz a lot of times it could be toxic positivity. Um yeah, you should search that up if you don’t know what that is. It’s kind of like a very guilt-trippy way of like bringing positivity and
00:30:46 - 00:31:47
shoving it down your throat, you know? It’s like it’s something that is subjective to everyone and like the things that you do like like all this advice here and there and there and there. It gets too much and you get overwhelmed and overstimulated by everything out there cuz it’s so overstimulating to be on the internet, honestly. Curating your own digital space is so important to make it feel good to you, to you, only you. I think even the tiniest bit of joy is so worth it to hold on to and gravitate
00:31:16 - 00:32:09
and never let that [ __ ] go cuz those things is just genuinely what keeps me going. I don’t know about you guys, but um this is just my experience and how I feel. So, I don’t think it’s ever too late to pick yourself back up. This is just some stuff that I hope some people could watch this and be like, “Oh, maybe I relate to this. Maybe I don’t.” But, it’s it’s just something that I want to put out there for people and I hope it helps someone in one way or another.
00:31:43 - 00:32:30
I hope everyone is doing well and this is kind of it for this video. Just my brain my brain fart. Oh. My laptop is trying to silence me. I do not have a proper ending message for this video. But, I hope you guys hang on there. Yeah. You know they’re doing great. I am proud of y’all. Bye-bye.